I know not what to do based upon current repetative circumstances. I feel as though I continually come accross an impasse, which I do. I've been trying so hard for the longest time to defeat what it is that is within me, the evil and inimical existance of this sort of spiritual bind. It aggravates and disturbs me, and it has been going on for ages, for far, far too long. There is still hope, although the weather becomes more frigid each day, and time dwindles in such a way that worries me so, for it is within nature I hope to banish what has and will continue to ail me. If I could only more accurately fight, and more quickly disinter particular incantations which alter my state of mind, which change my life forever, if only things would work the way I wish them to, I would win everything I've ever dreamed of. I cannot give up, for I've told myself time and time again I will not permit myself to do so. Although where do I begin from here, subsequent to several forced failings due to what fights and fights for survival while I attempt to kill, kill, kill? I suppose from the beginning again, I suppose from where I always began again and again and again, though with a different mindset, an attitude which will seperate me from such failure. There is only hope and a few dire seconds left to decide what is right and to shoot for the seemingly neverending goal, for it is only so redundant due to the thing which must die inside for what it has done to me. It is not that I wish to so abruptly quit, it is only that it needs me to in order to survive, but it musn't, it cannot live any longer.

Strike deep agate glance and mind aglow,

Delicate stare seeming strange may know

Yesterday's saturnine wanes tomorrow's woe

Seize not scarlet fever so scruple ear and breath

Entwine no tongue in thy teeth to beget

Such thorns so sharp upone thy ray of crest

And scorn such covet rooted deep in rest

For fear it doth spring rose bed ever sweet

Whilst wake hath only half sword to sheath

Yet so airy the soul and fiery the gait

Upon soil grow vines green in hue

Such sour-seeming fate is hearts implore.